


Another birthday

by MelMey



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Asexuality, Don’t copy to another site, Getting Together, Queerplatonic Relationships, Sherlock's Birthday, mentions of rosie watson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 16:37:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17328623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelMey/pseuds/MelMey
Summary: When in TLD John deduced Sherlock's birthday he had been wrong, but Sherlock didn't dare to tell him. Now, on his real birthday Sherlock wants to remedy that and not only that. There are things that he needs to say.





	Another birthday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notjustmom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustmom/gifts).



„It isn’t your birthday.“ Molly said as soon as they entered the flat.

Sherlock ignored her and walked straight to his bedroom. Today had been hard. John’s emotional outburst, his confession that he had cheated in Mary, the fact that John obviously hallucinated Mary. But the most annoying part was the one when John had insisted that he should date the Woman. Sherlock couldn’t really say, why he hadn’t corrected John when he assumed that today was his birthday. Maybe it was because while Sherlock had painstakingly traded one of Mycroft’s favours to get John’s birth certificate while John even after all those years didn’t even know his birthday. Not that it was important. Sherlock hadn’t celebrated his birthday since his school days, but he was annoyed, nevertheless. But maybe it wasn’t the birthday issue, but John’s insistence that he needs a romantic relationship with someone and that this someone should be if not the Woman at least a woman.

“Sherlock.” Molly’s voice tore Sherlock out of his thoughts. He turned around to see the worry written on Molly’s face. “It isn’t your birthday.” She repeated.

“I know.” Sherlock answered.

“Then why did John think that it is?” She asked, confusion mixed into her worried expression.

“He assumed.” Sherlock answered, and he tried to sound casual. “And I didn’t correct him.” And as he saw that Molly wanted to speak again, he continued. “Don’t ask me why.” Another pause. “I don’t know myself.” With that he turned around and walked to his bedroom. He didn’t close the door as he didn’t want Molly to worry. She probably did it anyway, but at least he hoped that she wouldn’t follow him.

Once in his bedroom he changed into his favourite soft and well-worn pyjama bottom and even more worn T-shirt. As he laid down and curled himself up in the duvet he just wanted to sleep. But he knew his thoughts would stop him. Why hadn’t he told John that his deduction was wrong? Why didn’t he tell John the truth about why he didn’t seek a relationship with the Woman? Deep down Sherlock knew the answer. He had deduced that John didn’t want to be here today right when the other man has started his shift of babysitting. And Sherlock, even after everything that has happened, hadn’t wanted John to leave. Sherlock let out a sigh. He wished he could be open to John once, clarify things and deal with whatever decision John would make after that declaration. Maybe when he was a bit better and didn’t feel as frail as he did right now. Maybe when he didn’t feel the injuries caused by John that were a constant reminder of what was wrong between them.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today was his birthday, Sherlock though when he opened his eyes. It reminded Sherlock about the afternoon when he went out to have cake with John to celebrate a birthday that didn’t existed. And Sherlock remembered that after back then, when he was alone in his room that he had thought about telling John the truth, the complete truth. He hadn’t so far. There was always a reason not to talk about it. He had been happy that after that day John had slowly been more relaxed around Sherlock. There was another emotional outburst only a week later when John had apologized for the letter and for what happened in the morgue. This time it was not only John who was crying but Sherlock cried as well. He hadn’t realized it before that moment, but he really needed that apology, he needed to hear those words to heal. After that they had slowly grown closer again. John had joined him on cases, had brought Rosie to Baker Street, had even let Sherlock babysit the little girl.

Which brought Sherlock to the problem at hand. Three days ago, after a successful case they had sat down in front of the fireplace and John had nearly asked to move back to Baker Street. Well, not directly of course, but he had started to lament about living in the suburb and had declared how much he loved living at Baker Street. It was the closest to asking directly that John would dare to do. The pleading look gave his intentions away.

Sherlock had nearly asked him right there and then, but in the back of his mind there was the truth, the truth he wanted to say to John for so long. Hell, he had nearly said it back on the tarmac, but even back then with the certain death right in front of him he didn’t dare to say it. But if John wanted to move back in and Sherlock wanted him to move back in, he also knew that living together without saying the things that need to be said before, would be unbearable. Sherlock took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. Today, today he would finally say it. With that thought in mind he grabbed his phone from the bedside table.

_Angelo’s this evening? SH_

He waited. At this time John would be on his way from the day-care to the clinic.

_Any particular reason?_

Sherlock smiled. Yes, but I won’t tell you via SMS.

_No, but it has been quite a while and I am in the mood for Angelo’s SH_

He waited again.

_Okay. 7h.?_

Sherlock smiled again.

_7h sounds good. SH_

With that he got up. He needed to make a plan how to say it.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They were seated at their favourite table by the window and Sherlock had decided to wait until the end of their dinner. During their whole meal Sherlock had watched out for signs of distress but John looked utterly relaxed. When the empty dessert plates were taken away and their wine glasses were filled again Sherlock took a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

“John.”

“Mmmhh.”

“John, I need to tell you something.” Sherlock spoke softly, and John looked at him in a curious but also worried way. “I would like to tell you some important things and I want you to listen till the end, no storming away.”

“You think that what you want to tell will make me want to run away?” John looked even more worried.

“No, at least I hope not, but I am not quite sure. Maybe you listening till the end can be my birthday present.” Sherlock waited for the effect of that suggestion.

“But today isn’t your birthday.” John said amused.

“It is actually.” Sherlock said and took out his driving licence to hand it to John who took a look and then stared at Sherlock.

“But we celebrated your birthday back then.” Confusion was written all over John’s face. “Why didn’t you tell me that my deduction was wrong?

“I didn’t want you to leave.” Sherlock answered honestly.

“I would have not been leaving.”

“Yes, you would have.”

There was a minute of silence as John contemplated that assumption.

“Okay, so today is your birthday. Happy Birthday, by the way. And you want me to listen to you as a birthday present.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, go on then.”

Sherlock took another deep breath.

“There are several things I want to say. Let me start with the reason why I jumped down that roof.”

John tensed up but made no move to interrupt so Sherlock continued. “First, I never wanted to jump but Moriarty threatened to kill you, Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and then he killed himself so that I couldn’t make him recall his orders.” Sherlock saw John flinch and then nod for Sherlock to continue. “Second, I never wanted you to watch, but you were too clever and came back. Thirdly, I never wanted to lie to you but at that time keeping you in the dark seemed like the only option to keep you save.” He saw that John wanted to say something but then decided against it. “Fourth, I never thought that it would take me two years to eliminate Moriarty’s network and every threat to your life. I know I hurt you, but I want you to know that there wasn’t a moment when I didn’t think about you and longed for being back here with you.” Sherlock waited for a reaction.

John just nodded and chewed on his lips. “Okay, I am still here. Thank you for telling me. I should have asked a long time ago.”

“There is more.” Sherlock took another deep breath, this would be the hard part. “Back when we celebrated my wrong birthday there were things you said that I didn’t answer correctly. So, I want to remedy that. First, I never ever had anything with the Woman or any other woman. Women are not my area, I told you that first evening when we sat here.”

“So, you mean.” John interrupted.

“I mean I am not interested in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with a woman.” Sherlock declared.

“So, you are gay?” John blurted out.

“Yes, no.” Sherlock cringed and the confusion on John’s face was quite obvious. “I am honestly not interested in any romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. There is a term for it, or rather two. I am aromantic and asexual.” Sherlock waited for John’s reaction.

“Okay.” John nodded.

“It means I usually don’t develop romantic feelings for other people and I have never found anyone sexually attractive.” Sherlock explained.

“Okay.” John said again.

“Okay?” Sherlock asked.

“Yes, of course okay. Did you think I would run away because you tick differently?” John asked smiling. “Hell, you are different in so many ways that being different in this way only makes sense.”

Sherlock felt relieve that this part went so well.

“Well, that is good, but there is still more.”

“Okay?”

Another deep breath. “I love you.”

John stared at him. “You love me?”

“Yes, I love you, have been for quite a while.” Sherlock said.

“But didn’t you just explain to me that you don’t do romance?” John asked perplexed.

“Well, yes, but I said usually, usually I don’t develop romantic feelings.” Sherlock said hoping that John would understand, but as he got no reaction he continued. “I never felt what I feel for you for any other person. I am still not sure if that is romantic love, but I know that you are the most important person in my life. That I would do anything for you. I faked my death because I couldn’t bear the thought of a life without you. I agreed to be your best man even though standing by your side and seeing you marry someone else nearly killed me. I let Mary get away with her story that she didn’t intend to kill me.” He heard John gasp. “I let you go back to her, because I knew you would not leave her with a child on the way. I killed for you, so that your family would be save. I killed for you, even knowing it would be my death. I …”

“Stop it.” John said. He was breathing heavily, and it was obvious that he tried to get himself under control.

“I love you. I know that you might not want to hear it and that you don’t feel the same and that this will make things awkward between us, but I needed you to know. I nearly said it on the tarmac but then I didn’t want to leave you with that burden, so I made you laugh instead. And I know you think about moving back to Baker Street and I want you to, but at the same time I couldn’t bear it to live with you without you knowing how I feel about you.” Sherlock’s words came out in a rush while a watched a tense John in front of who stared at an invisible spot on the table. He waited for John to say something. As the silence went on Sherlock wondered if he had destroyed their friendship.

“It is not that I expect anything to change. I am still asexual, so it is not like I want to have sex with you.” Sherlock tried to fill the silence.

“So what is it, that you want?” John asked looking up.

John’s eyes were sad, not angry which gave Sherlock a bit of hope but also confused him. “I want us to grow old together. I want to have you by my side, not only on cases, but every day. I want Rosie to grew up with us both as parents.” He could as well say all his wishes. Either John was open to them being together or not and if he was that would of course include Rosie.

“Mmmhh.” John said and nodded. Then he was silent again and stared at the table again.

Sherlock waited. He told himself that he needed to be patient with John. After a while John looked up again.

“You are an idiot.” John said determinately.

Sherlock frowned. That wasn’t quite the reaction he expected.

“I love you, too.” John said very softly.

“You?”

“Yes, I love you too. And you are an idiot for not telling me earlier, but then again, I guess I am an idiot too, for I didn’t tell you either.” John let out a sigh.

“So, now?” Sherlock asked. From all possible scenarios he had in mind John reciprocating his feelings was not among them.

“Now.” John smiled. “Now, we will go home, to Baker Street. And then we will talk some more and try to figure out what we will do with our feelings for each other. And tomorrow we will get Rosie and think about how to make Baker Street safe for a toddler. And I guess soon after that Rosie and I will move back and then you and I will start to grow old together.”

“You think it is that easy?” Sherlock asked.

“No honestly, I don’t think it will be that easy.” John said and there was some sadness in his eyes. “Nothing is every easy with us two, but after everything we’ve been through, I think we both earned us some happiness and while I have no clue how we will manage a relationship I am quite sure that I will be much happier with you than I could ever be without you.”

Sherlock smiled. “Me too, happier with you, I mean.”

“So, let us go home.” John said, standing up, holding out his hand for Sherlock to take. And Sherlock got up and took John’s hand. He was a bit surprised by this public display of affection, but he wasn’t averse to it.

And so they walked home, hand in hand. In the many scenarios Sherlock had played through in his mind this also had never happened. John, as usual, always managed to surprise him. Not a bad birthday after all, Sherlock thought and smiled.


End file.
